Publisher’s write-up:
‘Are you outwardly successful
but inwardly do you feel like a big kid? Do you aspire to be a loving parent
but all too often “lose it” in hurtful ways? Do you crave intimacy but
sometimes wonder if it’s worth the struggle? Or are you plagued by constant vague
feelings of anxiety or depression?
If any of this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing the hidden but
damaging effects of a painful childhood—carrying within you a “wounded inner
child” that is crying out for attention and healing.
In this powerful book, John Bradshaw shows how we can learn to nurture that
inner child, in essence offering ourselves the good parenting we needed and
longed for. Through a step-by-step process of exploring the unfinished business
of each developmental stage, we can break away from destructive family rules
and roles and free ourselves to live responsibly in the present. Then, says
Bradshaw, the healed inner child becomes a source of vitality, enabling us to
find new joy and energy in living.’
Home Coming is a book on
psychology by motivational speaker John Bradshaw – known for his famous 12 step
programme, used by Alcoholics Anonymous. The book presents an interesting idea,
that how, to get through any process of healing, we need to heal our inner
child and the book talks about reclaiming this child at various stages, the
‘infant-self’, the ‘the toddler-self', etc. The author shares personal
anecdotes from a lot of people whom he knows, to present the problems they were
facing and how they could reclaim this ‘inner child’ in them.
I tried to read this with a very
open mind – given that in the first few pages, I realised that should this
author and I have a hypothetical conversation, we were going to disagree on
most things. To start with, I did not like his writing style – which was non
inclusive and even went on to say that when he writes ‘he’, he refers to
everyone regardless of how they identify themselves; even for brevity, there
are perfectly reasonable gender-neutral alternatives in English which the
author did not consider.
But that was the point less
contentious. I do not personally mind reading books from religious people or
even books on religion – so long as I feel that there could be some takeaways
for me even though I would disagree with a lot of their statements. The book
invoked god a lot, and full disclosure here – I am an atheist and hence,
reading with that open mind was important. Having said that, the author made a
lot of sweeping conclusions – such as children being natural believers and
religious. In his attempted inclusiveness, he wrote on several occasions (it
was not one isolated citation from the book, if that had been the case, it
would have been easy for me to overlook) - that regardless of the reader’s
current relationship with ‘god’, their inner child is a natural believer.
This book hardly had any
citations or references and most of his conclusions were based on anecdotes he
shared. So, I would also share my personal anecdote that I was never religious
despite growing up in a religiously conservative household – and was never
convinced with the idea as early as I was five. While I went along with the
religious rituals as a child – that was more because of my unconditional trust
on my parents (as most children would, on their parents or caregivers), than an
inclination towards belief and by the time I was eight, I said to myself that I
could no longer do this and openly started identifying myself as an atheist.
And I am no exception here – many irreligious people I know have had similar
experiences as a child, and people whom I know who have grown up in households
where their parents / caregivers were irreligious, this was never a question
that crossed their mind.
So, to go ahead with what the
author was suggesting, for me personally was not possible because of the
author’s inherent assumption of the reader’s child self being religious. There
were several other sweeping assumptions that the author made – such as the
author assuming their reader to be in their mid 30s or early 40s, married at
around 25, and with children.
I personally do not mind any
assumptions that a writer makes – so long as the target audience is clearly
specified, but here the author tries to sell it as a universal book which does
not work. Moreover, the author makes some dangerous statements in this book –
and if someone is trying to heal themselves from certain trauma – these are
certainly not the best of words to read:
‘God does not die on the day
we cease to believe in a personal deity, but we die on the day when our lives
cease to be illuminated by the steady radiance, renewed daily, of a wonder, the
source of which is beyond all reason.’
Perhaps the author is oblivious
to the fact that there are people, several of whom are neither religious nor
spiritual and telling them that they are effectively ‘dead’ is not the best of
things to say. He is not the only person in this profession who has made such
statements though, I have had therapists who have made similar statements.
To conclude, I did not enjoy this
book and I felt the author was imposing his views on the reader than open up a
discussion. This maybe suited to people who have an upbringing in his specific
faith and continue to hold those beliefs, but for everyone else, it is not an
ideal book. I award this book a rating of three on ten.
Rating – 3/10
Have a nice day,
Andy
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